have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
