I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
