I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
