My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
