the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we made out on top of his cat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
