its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize