Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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