He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
