I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
