Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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