the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
