:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
