i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
