That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
