Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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