I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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