Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
