I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
