You work out of a Hotel?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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