Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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