Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
