Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
