normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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