dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think my mom watched the whole time
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
