well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Randomize
