So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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