Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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