I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
