Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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