You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
