So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
