do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
