i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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