He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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