Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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