ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
