Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize