ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
