why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
