nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
