I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no you cant smoke seaweed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
