You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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