do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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