Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
