and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
