I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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