Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
