I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
