So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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