Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
