i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
