What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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