Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize