I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
