the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize