Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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