I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
