Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
