I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize