my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
