"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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