I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
