you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
