I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
