I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
