Only a mothe r could love this liver
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
