What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
