I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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