just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
